*Clicking Tongue* Hmm.

   Why that title? Because I don't know what else to call this post, haha. It's...well, you will see.

    Dear reader, I am going to disappear off of the Blog grid for a while, I think. I'm finally paying attention to my patterns and right now they are suggesting that I'm going to be updating this less and less often, and then drop off for a few months before updating again. ;) Some of you may already be familiar with this as I have done so at least twice, but perhaps more. I will still try to update periodically, but if I disappear for a few months instead of a week or two out of nowhere, you will know to expect it~ Apologies for any inconveniences this may randomly cause. I don't expect it to, but you also never know. XD One of you may look forward to my Blog and be disappointed for no updates. I know I have some followers, but I'm not sure if any of you desperately love my silly Blog that much. :)

    Anyway, I'm going through something interesting right now. I would call it an "identity crisis", except that I'm not really sure that it is. I initially equated it to a young person's mid-life crisis. I mean, I'm 21. So, *shrug* what the heck? I'm half way to my mid-life. So we can call this a Junior Mid-Life Crisis. XD But in all seriousness now.

    I could just say, “I might disappear for a few months, or I might only post every other week! We will find out eventually! Hahaha, sorry!” and leave it at that, but. I’m not. I…don’t talk about my poor health as often as I mean to. I…guess I just love having a Blog that isn’t dedicated to anything specific and can just be kind of silly and sometimes serious. Right now, this is serious. (As I’m sure you could tell, dear reader. ;) I just like to state the obvious~)

    I don’t talk about being sick because I don’t want to be defined by it. There are so many people that have either thought I was lying and let me know they wanted nothing to do with a liar, or…think that my trial is who I am. Being sick is who I am. And that is so far from the truth. There is so much more to me, if given the chance to show it. I am also shy, and not naturally comfortable with other people. Even Jo has to deal with that from me sometimes, and we have known each other since the second grade. So it does take time with me.

    But, when I am comfortable and not going through an extreme shy spell (which is what Jo and my family sometimes deal with), I can be a fun person to be around. I just need time to be comfortable, and I am not always given that. Anyway, back to what I was saying. There are people who stopped seeing me when I started deeper into illness. Some never saw me to begin with, and they don’t really matter (to me). And some that I met in the middle of being so sick never saw past my illness. Never saw past me being a borderline-invalid who still lives with her parents. To them, all I was is a sickly girl who needed special accommodations, constant supervision and support, who could die at the whiff of a perfume bottle – and “what more could there possibly be to her? Now, her parents. They are really strong people who I need to hear their story on how they cope with this trial, this burden.” I got overlooked a lot.

    Sometimes, I still do. Though, that is lessening the stronger and healthier I am getting. Dammit, how I wish I was exaggerating! It makes my blood boil and almost brings me to tears just thinking about it, just typing about it. I promise you, dear reader, that if we were talking about this in person, I would have broken out into tears. -///- This is a wound I have yet to heal from completely. The thing is, I know this is how others in my position or worse also get treated. It isn’t just me that they see that way – it’s all the sick children, men, and women of the world that they see that way. “I am not a burden.” I still need to repeat that sentence to myself from time to time.

    I am not a burden. I am not a burden.

    Maybe I am talking about this because there is someone out there who is going to read this and realize that they need to adjust their mindset a little. I don’t think everyone who has looked at me this way has done so in true judgment; they don’t think about it. I’m sure that if it were pointed out to them that their attitude was that way, they would be a little shocked and want to change. Some of them, I sincerely doubt would change because that is truly how they feel.

    Maybe there is someone out there who will read this who can identify with my feelings. Maybe they are also sick, maybe not. Maybe they are dealing with another trial that has become society’s definition of them and feel the same way. Maybe they just need to know that they aren’t alone and that someone, even if a stranger, understands…someone who may be a city over, a state over, a country over, or half-way across the world who they will probably never meet. But someone at least.

    Maybe there is someone out there who will read this and make a connection in their mind, “Oh! This must be how ______ must be feeling because of ________. Now I can understand better.”

    Or maybe…maybe I just need to get it out of my system. I don’t know. I just know that I want to talk about this for…whatever reason. It feels important for me somehow. I don’t like to make posts where I whine or rage or whatever negative emotion you will. I will do my best to not have it be too whiny, too “Woe is me! *dramatic hand-to-the-forehead*”

    One more thing before I start. This is not the story of my illness, just some of what I missed and explaining what I am going through right now as a result. Maybe…maybe someday I will share the story. I…don’t know. I don’t remember all of it, and what I do remember…I guess I just don’t like thinking about it too much, and I don’t really know where to start anyway. *shrug* Maybe someday. Maybe not. Time will tell, haha.

    Right, then:

    Because of illness in my teenage years, and general brain-fog when I wasn't sick (which is a misleading sentence; I was always sick. I just had days where it wasn't as bad, and was as close to "normal" as we were gonna get)...well, I just missed out on a lot. I wasn't...wasn't a teenager, I guess. I missed a lot of school, and that is something that gets talked about a lot when discussing how hard the allergies and illness have been.

    What maybe doesn't get thought about a lot, or at least vocalized by me...is that I didn't just miss chunks of school. I missed life. I lost time. I missed out on experiences and moments. I had friends I would go out with…but they usually only wanted to go out to some fast-food place or to sit in my backyard or my basement. Honestly, my activity-interests didn’t coincide with that. I am that person who would love to go free-climb up the side of a mountain for an activity and relish in the life-or-death adrenaline rush.

    Unfortunately, while I could still do that, most of the time no one was interested in doing such activities with me. Now…now I have lost that. I’m. I. I found out the hard way that it will be some time before I am able to be able to do such activities. Thinking about it, it makes sense why they chose to hang out with me. Well, sort of. No. It doesn’t. I won’t get into why it doesn’t. But, I was in a brain-fog often enough to not truly protest to sitting and watching anime or sitting and talking. And when I wasn’t in a brain-fog, I wasn’t well enough to move anyway. So, it suited their want to sit and do nothing well enough. Sad, really.

    Real quick: Yes, I had two boyfriends and a fling in my. One of them was long distance. One of them should have stayed a friend because I was too freaked out to act my brain-fog normal (“freaked out” meaning I thought I was going to say or do something wrong if I said or did anything) – and I’m pretty sure that he was also a little freaked in the same way. One of them was…well, not a great guy. >///> That was more than some of my friends had in the way of romance. I mention that because I want to acknowledge that there was some normalcy to my teenage years (and to stave off being whiny). I did get my first kiss when I was 16 where some didn’t. The thing that is sad about that, though, is that I knew I was attracted to them, but I didn’t feel the attraction. So, in a way, I was just going through the motions of what I had previously observed as normal behavior; boys like girls and girls like boys. They hold hands and they kiss. Sometimes they will be a “couple” which means that they only hold hands and kiss that one person. You know? It wasn’t as robotic as I am making it sound, but my hormone-development that allowed me to feel physical attraction didn’t actually kick in until a year ago.

    But some of what I missed out on with High School (besides a diploma) is getting asked out to a dance. Not getting a pity-set-up, but getting asked. Going to a Pep-Rally and understanding what a Pep-Rally is and why it’s supposed to be fun to go to one (instead of going and playing Poker, 21/Black Jack, War, and Egyptian Ratscrew under the stairway.. >.> Although that was fun too and earned some free lunches). Going to a date-dance stag with a bunch of gal-friends because we can. Doing stupid pranks or doing a Senior Prank. Faking being sick to get out of school. I never had to, and if I had had normal health I would have at least once just because every High School student feels like doing that at least once. Getting involved with a ton of Clubs and after-school activities. Going to a party instead of throwing my own. Getting a job and working and building up my bank account and learning proper work ethics. Feeling like I was capable of learning how to drive and getting a license. Saving up to go on some crazy road trip to nowhere with friends. Drama class. I took it. But I wasn’t “there” enough to…I just wasn’t “there”. I loved acting in Junior High, and still love it. But, I missed that once I got sicker; I lost my memory, my confidence, everything. I missed being capable of auditioning for something. Getting…to pick out a Prom dress. I know this is probably silly, superficial stuff. But this stuff, and so many more things, are what should make up a normal High School experience. There was a lot I missed. A lot I didn’t understand. I didn’t understand people.

    My corn allergy imitated Asperger’s Syndrome. No, I am not autistic. But at the time, I was. I couldn’t understand people in the way that most seemed to, and I do still sometimes struggle. I’m not autistic, but I did go through most of my life like I was because that is where my mind was. So now I am able to start understanding what I couldn’t, but…that’s the thing. A lot of people just instinctively know. I am having to learn that instinct, learn to trust that instinct, and am having to try and refine and hone that instinct enough to match my age. There are people that I wanted to be friends with and I was either too nervous to try or when I did, I didn’t…know what to do. Or I didn’t know that I was being socially awkward or too blunt or opinionated. I could have made different friends or more friends than what I did and probably had healthier friendships.

    The friends I made were all fellow social-outcasts, and that may be the only reason why I had friends. We pitied each other and formed a group of friends. I don’t think you could have found a group of friends who were more different than one another when it came down to it. We didn’t reject anyone, and our group grew with time. I counted it once; we had 20 people at the peak that were regularly part of our before-school and during-lunch group. Not all of them would hang out with each other, and not all of them sat with the group every day or twice a day (sometimes I wouldn’t), but we all talked and got along and put up with each other. This group started in Junior High and we made it through 6 years together, and, at times, because of each other. But…had it not been for the social outcasts drawing together, I know Jo would have been my only friend. Which wouldn’t have been a terrible thing. :)

    …But…to be…to the heart of the matter. We are Teenagers before we are Adults so that we can figure out who the hell we are. We have, in my mind, 7-9 years for that. Some people start when they are 11, some when they are 13, and then life doesn’t really start to feel like it is serious until 20. Part of that is experimenting with fashion taste. There is more to it than that, I know. But that is part of it, and I think the start of it. Using clothes to express ourselves and eventually, through that, discovering who we are as an individual. What our personality is, what our tastes are, what we find acceptable and unacceptable, how far we are willing to go to achieve our goals, what we want to do with life, how we fit in with others or how we stand out from others, if we prefer fitting in or prefer standing out, what makes us feel confident, how we achieve healthy self-esteem, what we like to do and don’t like to do, where we like to hang out and where we don’t like to hang out, how we handle ourselves in different situations and settings, if we like how people look at us or not and figuring out why we getting certain looks more often than others, how to roll with the punches and accept constructive criticism, what our passions and talents are, what we think is fun and what we think is dull, what our opinions on different topics are, where our morals start and end, what our beliefs are or aren’t, if we are more of a “fighter” or more of a “flyer” – and so, so much more.

     I can be an intense person and very opinionated. Sometimes too much so. I have high intelligence, though poor memory. I am a scatter-brain. I make promises I mean to keep but then five months later is when I finally remember that I made the promise in the first place. I then get embarrassed and flustered. I am said to have wisdom beyond my years. Etcetera. Yes, I know me. But, I don’t either. I don’t know. I just know that I am only just now starting to enter into that part of my personal development. I didn’t develop normally, and I probably should have anticipated that a part of my allergy-healing was going to include this. I mean, if the allergy prevented a natural developmental process, it makes sense that one of the stages of healing would be that that natural process can finally start and do its thing. I’m discovering that I like cute things and I like being feminine and that, dammit, I like rainbow-colored tutus. For example. >///> Haha.

    It has been a little strange. I’ve always, always felt that part of my brain not being developed. I can tell when those connections aren’t being made and that there is stunted growth. Right now, I can feel my brain working to fix those underdeveloped pieces. So, where am I with life right now? That I don’t completely know who I am. I feel lost and a little confused. I feel small and overwhelmed, but I also feel devil-may-care and a little rebellious. I feel like I can do whatever I want to do, and find that exciting. But I also feel like I don’t completely know where or how to start and that frustrates me. I feel clueless about men and don’t completely understand the butterflies in my stomach and how to deal with them – or why seeing this cute guy makes my knees feel weak and my cheeks red and why looking at him sends warm fuzzies all through me and makes me feel tongue-tied. I feel ambitious and impatient about making my dreams happen. I feel like anything can be achieved, and I’m a little nervous underneath my confidence. I also feel up and down moody, which is normal for me, but it also feels a little different. I’m…21 years old, and I think this is how I should have been feeling about life and things when I was a teenager.

    I lost time. And that is a real problem of teenage illness and allergy. Certain parts of our brain and body developments have to go through neglect in order for us to stay at least somewhat functional and in order for us to fight to stay alive. So….

    Anyone out there who is reading this right now who was that sick as a teenager, you aren’t alone and I think you should just let yourself go through that natural process no matter what it takes. For me, I’m currently at the “experimenting with fashion” phase. Sometimes it’s a bad outfit that isn’t ever repeated. Currently, I am looking at getting a multi-colored, pastel tutu and a necklace with a pastel polymer clay shooting-star. Should I be embarrassed? Probably. But, I am not. I can feel a part of myself receiving nurturing that needs it, so I’m just going with it. If I can do that tutu, you can do anything you need to do. :)

    Any teenagers who are reading this right now who are dealing with illness: It does get better. It may take time and a lot of tears and frustration and heartache, but it will get better. You are going to get better, you are going to get stronger, you are going to start living life to the fullest – you are going to be beautiful and stunning and resilient. You are going to have wisdom and compassion that you wouldn’t have otherwise. You are going to live – not just exist. For every down, there is an equal and opposite up. So, dammit, life is going to be amazing for you. Smile and be positive when you can, but don’t be afraid to indulge yourself in tears and screaming into your pillow. Don’t ever give up. And know that it is never too late to grow. If you miss a part of self-discovery the way I have, just know that it is on the way. It just got delayed for a little while. :) And remember that no matter what some people may say or how you may feel at times, you are NOT a burden and you never have been or will be. You just need a little help standing up right now – and there is nothing wrong with that. But when you are able to stand on your own two feet and simply be you, you are going to be a powerful force to reckon with. You are going to be unstoppable at achieving your dreams and living life. And those who supported you are going to cry tears of joy and feel blessed for having been part of your journey. You will also have so much more opportunity for doing good than you would have otherwise, because you understand this side of life. I always say that a painful past is a tool waiting to be used for good. :) Just remember what Fa Zhou in Mulan said when you start getting down, “My, my… What beautiful blossoms we have this year. But look, this one’s late. But I’ll bet that when it blooms, it will be the most beautiful of all.” That is not a philosophy, but a fact. I promise you. <3

    Anyone reading this who has someone in their life dealing with something hard that may be depriving them of certain aspects of living: Don’t overlook them and who they are. What they struggle with isn’t all that is to them. Support them, be patient with them, be kind to them, love them because maybe they aren’t getting loved enough, talk to them and acknowledge them as a person…just…be understanding, please. And do not ever, ever call them a burden.

    Side rant: At no point should anyone call someone a burden, ever. Probably anyone who has ever committed suicide was seen as a burden by at least one person, and that was part of what led to their decision to die. Maybe it wasn’t someone they were close to, and maybe it was only once. But they were at a point where all it took was once from one stupid person to convince them that was the case. The next time you go to call someone a burden, bear that in mind before you speak. You never know where someone’s state of mind is. Mini-soap box done.

    So, basically: I’m figuring myself out, and…my Blog is not a priority for me at this time in my life. I will try to update, but I won’t promise anything. If I disappear for a few months or even a year, that is why. (It won’t be a year, haha.)

    In any case, whatever hardships you may be dealing with, dear reader, I wish you much luck and comfort. <3

Have a kind and cherished day, dear reader, and a beautiful New Year.

Much love,

Bryn

Quick Christmas Gift Idea~! ^_^

    I, haha, hesitate to make this post in case anyone I got this for is reading. >///> But I know how grateful I always am to get a suggestion for a fairly inexpensive gift that I can do for multiple people. :)

    So, Christmas is coming up. :) And I know that there are a lot of fellow last-minute shoppers out there. I now know three young married couples (two of which are just barely~<3 ) and I wanted to do a gift that was to both of them, instead of getting a gift for each. I mean, to be honest...with two of them, I don't really know the spouses - at least, not well enough to get them a gift. But I don't want to give the one I do know a gift and have their spouse feel left out. You know? Anyway. I kind of liked what I put together, and was like, "Hey! I could post that as an idea for any fellow last-minuters! :'D " ...Maaaybe not quite like that. XD

    Anyway, I felt like overall it looks kind of classy, or, at least, how I arranged it prior to packaging. :) So, I felt like it looks kind of classy, it treats them both, and to an extent it eliminates the guess-work of if they will like it or not. I mean, who doesn't love treats~?

    The best part? Most of it can be found at a Dollar Store. :D So it is also inexpensive. Great! :D

    I also did one for my Grandma, so...it can also work for an individual who you want to give a nice gift to without spending a lot of coin. :)

    Without further ado, I present you, dear reader, with this:

With my make-shift mini photography "studio"...haha...it's not really. I just set up some tissue paper. XD But I do now understand how to set up a make-shift photography studio, people-sized, if ever needed. :) Sheets. :)

Right. So, a Martinelli's - found at Wal-Mart for $3, give or take. Two wine glasses, $1 each. A bag of individually-wrapped peppermints split between the two, $1.

Add in a small box of chocolates, we believe there are five in there but aren't entirely sure, for $1. This is for the chocolate lover of the two. :)

Add in a small tin of...those holiday cookie things. >///> For $1, and for the one who doesn't enjoy chocolate quite as much. :) Funny how that seems to work. Even for the couples who both like chocolate, there seems to always be one who LOVES it, and the other just enjoys it from time to time. xD Not always, but typically.

For my brother and his wife, I also got a bag of sour gummy worms. My sister-in-law LOVES chocolate, my brother hates chocolate but LOVES sour candy, and both enjoy shortbread cookies. :D

And then I put tissue paper in the glass so that the candy wouldn't randomly do something weird to the glass, as per mom's suggestion. I...don't think they would since they are individually wrapped, but...maybe..? *shrug* Better safe than sorry, as they always say. ;)

And then for the the glasses, as well as the sparkly, wrap them each individually in tissue paper.

Aaand situate them into a bag of your choosing. :D I made sure to disperse the weight as evenly as possibly so that they don't pick it up and fall over. ;)

    For the grand total of $8. :) If only doing it for an individual, then $7. If adding a little extra like I did for my brother, then $9. Either way, under $10. ^_^ So...that's my random little idea~ If you have any ideas, dear reader, for last-minute shopping - please, feel free to comment! :D

Have a great evening, dear reader! ^_^

Post again soon!
Love,

Bryn

Thrift Shop Game "Fashion" Show. ;)

    So, last post, at some point I mentioned a Thrifting Game that me and my cousin enjoy playing. :) I will re-post what I said about it;

    My cousin and I love to go to the thrift shop and play this game. We find out each others' sizes for blouses, pants, dresses, and shoes. Then we each get separate shopping carts and go off for a while, putting together several of these ridiculous outfits for each other that are grotesquely mismatched...or just plain-old horrifying. XD And then we meet up at the changing rooms and give each other the outfits and enjoy the fashion show. ;) So much fun! And sometimes we'll find an article of clothing that we go, "Hey! That actually looks pretty good on me!" She found a cardigan and I found a blouse that way. :D Super fun! I imagine that could be a fun date-night too, but...well, we won't get into my date life. Or, lack-of date life. >///>

    After publishing my last post, I got to wishing I knew where some photos were that we took one time. And, funny enough, I stumbled across them straight away while looking for my brother's Pre-Engagement photos. :) They are from 2 years ago, but I still giggle whenever I look through them, and thought it would make a fun post. :D

    *DRUM-ROLL*

    There is just all sorts of gorgeous going on here. ;) Hee hee~! :D Anyway, so that is the Thrifting Game. Now, GO. GO HAVE FUN. It is demanded of you to make fun memories and laugh~ ^_^

Have an amazing day, dear reader! :D

Love,

Bryn

HAPPY SINTERKLAAS DAY...and here are some dresses.

(((NOTE: I was working on this post early this morning [6 December 2013], but had to go to bed and this may not post until what is technically the 7th. And I also am not in the mood to change the context of some of my sentences~)))

    So, first thing is first. :) Happy Sinterklaas Day! And in Dutch (I hope this translated correctly), "Gelukkig Sinterklaas!" I am 1/4 Dutch, my mom is 1/2 Dutch, and my Grandfather is Dutch. I don't know a whole lot about my Dutch ancestors, to be honest, except that there were fisherman somewhere in the line. (No pun intended. xD But it made me chuckle anyway~ Because, fisherman use fishing lines. Get it? Ha..ha.. Okay.) I think I'm going to try and do some research today. :)

    Anyway, a family tradition my mom started after my parents got married was to celebrate Sinterklaas Day by putting out our shoes and having Stamppot. ^_^ I will explain. The night before, children set their shoes outside and fill them with grass. The grass is to feed his white horse, and then he leaves a gift in the shoes if they have been good. Er...if my memory is serving me correctly, that is. >///> And then Stamppot. Stamppot is just...MMM! <3 We do potatoes mashed with carrots and onions and mix in cooked...meat. I don't know how to spell it, but it is a kind of sausage. So yummy! <3 But you can mash in several vegetables, and together too. That's just how we do it. :)

    So Happy Sinterklaas Day to any Dutch readers or Dutch enthusiast readers or readers in love with someone Dutch! :D :D

    And secondly, and unrelated, dresses. Mostly. I think this is the influence of the Loli Blogs that I read. But.. I started taking photos of myself (admittedly, not great ones) when I like how an outfit turns out. Or...when I note interesting reactions in people when they see me. And after taking seven of these, I realized I was doing absolutely nothing with them. And then I thought, 'Why not?' "'Why not', what Bryn?" I'm glad you asked, dear reader! Why not post them here, thus giving me something somewhat regular to post about in the future, and also making me feel better about taking up storage space on the computer? Now, don't worry...this is not me fishing for compliments. I absolutely detest compliment-fishing. This isn't self-obsession either...I sometimes feel like that is how I look....

    And I'll try to tell about the outfit to make it interesting. Like, if it is a Loli outfit, for example, I will tell about which subculture it is from, why I enjoy that subculture, etc. Or I will tell about reactions I got from people, if any are noted. Or if the outfit was inspired by some kind of a mood. Sometimes I get broody and use clothes to express how I'm feeling inwardly. (<--I'm a believer that this is healthy!) And...sometimes it's a, "What the hell?" kind of a day where I toss something together that I wouldn't otherwise. I'll do that briefly here today too. :) So...from time to time in the future, you will get to see some of my personal fashion taste. And~! I will definitely have to talk about thrift shopping and piecing together outfits from there at some points. :D Thrifting is a favorite past-time of my cousin and I. ;)

    Aaaand...without any further (very nervous) ado~ Me: o///o Ah..ha..ha..ha..

Early September

Half-Loli Inspired

This was a "What the hell?" outfit. I literally just rolled out of bed about 20 minutes before and realized my cousin and her roommate were coming over for dinner...and I hadn't done any laundry. XD Quite literally, this was my only clean skirt. So I added some bows because I was going through this major bow-obsession at the time (I still use bows frequently, but at the time I thought it wasn't an outfit if there weren't at least 2 bows. Seriously), put my petticoat underneath, put on a blouse, tied some ribbon around my neck, and slipped on my ruffled heels. :) I felt pretty satisfied with the look. ^_^

Late September

(And now coming out of the bow obsession.)

Loli

Ahh...this. :D This is my first Loli dress from Fanplusfriend Garden. I absolutely LOVE it! <3 So, to me, this dress seemed like it could work for Gothic Loli (of course), or Hime Loli (Princess Loli). I decided to do it as a Hime. :) I found a better headband later that day (though don't have a picture with it, I don't think) that gives off a tiara feel without actually being a tiara. I have another pair of fingerless gloves that go with it too, and then...honestly, I should probably be wearing nylons for this to be considered "true Loli". However~ I have solid colored black tights (and Loli socks), solid colored white tights, black lace tights with flower pattern, and white fishnet tights. None of those really go, so. *shrug* :) This was good enough for me. Plus, I enjoy the white fabric making my legs look not as white as they actually are. >///>

Anyway, so Hime Lolita is the Princess-y subculture of Lolita. Ah, and for those readers who do not know, Lolita is a Japanese street fashion dedicated to all things frilly, ruffly, and feminine. NOT  in any way, shape, or form, related to the disgusting American novel or movie. When first getting into and researching the Lolita fashion, I found the wikipedia entry rather helpful (Click here--> Lolita Fashion) and have since started following a number of Blogs, etcetera, dedicated to the fashion to continue learning. :) Anyway, I'm rambling a little bit. I'm actually intending to make a separate post about why I love this fashion on another day. And on that day, I will provide links to some of those Blogs and things. ^_^

Anyway...as I was saying before my ramble...rant...thing. Hime Lolita is the Princess-y subculture of the fashion. Basically, look like a princess~ Black and white can work, but typically Hime involves white and pastels. Usually Himes wear tiaras or jeweled headbands, gloves, and high heels to accessorize. I believe there is also a hairstyle that is particular, but...*shrug* And I'm not 100% sure on that (still new to the fashion as a whole, and only just discovered the Hime subfashion a couple months ago), so.... >///>

So, for me: As I said, I found a headband that gives off a tiara feel without actually being a tiara; I'll get a picture up of it sometime, but for now just a headband. Long gloves (fingerless for me, thank you) that I thought looked pretty. A pearl necklace (...my parents told me that this is some sort of "right of passage" marking womanhood. This is honestly the first...second time in 5 years I felt I had a legitimate reason to wear it, haha). And a dress that could maybe be princess-y.  Admittedly, this may not count to other Lolis. But to me it looked princess-y, so I decided it counts in my little world. :) I wouldn't be surprised if I'm technically doing it wrong, but it makes me feel pretty nonetheless. ^_^ I'm pretty positive whenever I wear Loli, I'm only half-way meeting the standards, though, so I don't stress too much as long as I feel comfortable and happy. XD

I dunno. Anyway, that is that for this one. :) Sorry that was so long. And if a more legitimate Loli stumbles across this and wants to provide the correct information, it would be much appreciated. ;) :)

Mid-October

This was a, "...We're going to the store where the cute guy works?! WHAT DO I WEAR??!" outfit. I hadn't thought to put my jean jacket with that dress until that day, and tried it because of...you guessed it, lack of clean undershirts. ;) I wear pajamas most days, so I don't keep track of my laundry like I should. Anyway, I'm glad I did. I thought it turned out well. :) Again with ribbon tied around my neck. I seriously...just...can't even...RIBBON. <3 You have no~o idea. xD My love for ribbon borders on obsessed. It would be obsession if I had the money. ;~; By the way. That dress? Scored it at the thrift shop for a couple of dollars in basically brand new condition. :D I mention that because there are a fair amount of people that think clothes at the thrift shop are worn out pieces of junk and "No way would I ever shop there unless I was dirt-broke!" It's a sad attitude, really. If you have the patience and the eye, you can find really great stuff there. It can be a cheap way to look nice. :) Translation: If you  haven't given thrifting a try, GO TRY. It can be a lot of fun! :D Especially if you go with a friend or cousin that has a sense of humor! My cousin and I love to go to the thrift shop and play this game. We find out each others' sizes for blouses, pants, dresses, and shoes. Then we each get separate shopping carts and go off for a while, putting together several of these ridiculous outfits for each other that are grotesquely mismatched...or just plain-old horrifying. XD And then we meet up at the changing rooms and give each other the outfits and enjoy the fashion show. ;) So much fun! And sometimes we'll find an article of clothing that we go, "Hey! That actually looks pretty good on me!" She found a cardigan and I found a blouse that way. :D Super fun! I imagine that could be a fun date-night too, but...well, we won't get into my date life. Or, lack-of date life. >///>

Late October

Yeah. So. I was up all night and thought I would be going to bed the next morning and sleeping all day, so I put my hair in braids. And then I was reminded that that was the day we were taking my cousin to the airport. ;) It was a long, tear-filled experience. She missed her plane. More specifically, they wouldn't let her on because they changed the time she needed to be there at the latest by, by five minutes. It all got worked out, though. ^_^ However, I had a lot of people that were looking over at me with very confused expressions. So..? It was the braids, wasn't it? Or...the flats with army pants.... It's a comfy outfit though~ And those are my dad's old army pants. ^_^ You know how sisters steal each others' clothes, brothers borrow each others' shirts, etcetera? Well. My brother never had a brother, and I never had a sister. I was also larger in girth in High School than I am now, while my brother was a muscular stick in High School. Initially, dad passed the pants on to him. And then I discovered I could wear them too. ;) And after my brother went on a mission and came home and got married, the pants became mine. Sort of. I still consider them my dad's pants, so to me they are just borrowed. And I can only imagine how messed up that must have sounded. XD

Mid-November

PURPLE! :D Purple is my favorite color. :) And that is my first and currently only Loli wig. ^_^ <3 I'm not sure entirely what this outfit is...I put it together the night before while in a fairly sleep deprived state. I was feeling cold and thought a sweater sounded nice. And I wanted to wear those new boots that I scored at...you guessed it, the thrift shop. ;) They are a little worn, but I love the look it gives them, and they are in sturdy condition, ready for a number more years' wear. :D Anyway. I found this skirt in the clean laundry that I had forgotten I even had. I think it was a birthday present from when I was 15 or 16, and I hadn't seen it since I was...16 or 17. >///> Yeah. I-I'm not really sure how that happened.. I think it got lost when I was moving rooms and then got found and tossed in the wash or something. Anyway. The wig fades to a darker purple at the bottom and has a brown-ish tint to the whole thing, so that brings in the boots, and then purple. So, of course...MORE PURPLE. :D Yeah. Needless to say, I've worn this 2 or 3 times now. :D

Something that I LOVE about this wig is that the color seems to change with the lighting. Sometimes it looks brown with a tint of purple, sometimes it looks very purple, sometimes it looks like an even blend, and sometimes...it looks grey. Yeah. Seriously. Awesome. <3 Hee hee~!

Late November

Loli

Yeah...so I didn't have my shoes on for the picture. But I do have cute shoes that go with this coord. And technically a red bracelet too. I'm not sure what subculture this fits into, honestly. And I did post the outfit before, here --> Red Loli Coord~ My reason for posting again, is because I liked how my hair and hair ribbon turned out this day. :) And also because after I got off work and was walking around the mall, I noticed a lot of people look me up and down and then smile at me. When I got home, I looked in the mirror and was like, "I almost look like I walked out of some Fairytale." wherein my dad told me that, to him at least, I still look like Little Red Riding Hood. Mom said that for the time of year, I look like I could be one of Santa's helpers. So... XD I dunno. I enjoyed getting smiled at, though. ^_^

Late November

Loli Inspired

This is more heavily Loli-inspired. Not technically Loli, but very inspired. :) I initially pieced the outfit together with my green cardigan (the dress on its own without the black skirt over looks great with it! I'll have a picture up of that one sometime) and my Loli socks. Aand my blonde hair. XD But the green didn't look right to me. I decided that the black was drawing out the navy in the dress more than the green, and so needed a cool colored cardigan to keep the look. And then...well, here it is. <3 Now, I was still planning on my Loli socks. I had put them in the wash (I didn't have time to hand wash before going to bed), or so I thought. When I took them out to drip-dry...I could only find one. I tore through the wet clothes several times, scouring for the other sock so it wouldn't get randomly ruined and couldn't find it, only to discover 4 days later that it had gotten sucked into a different pile of dirty laundry. =/ By now, dear reader, you're probably figuring out one of my greater house-keeping flaws. ;) Anyway, I did tights instead. :) And then the wig...I was really nervous to do with the outfit. But...okay.

So. I take 45 minutes to shower. I'm not just sitting there soaking up the water. My hair. My hair is at least 3 heads worth of thickness. Really. You could divide my hair between three people, and they would all still have thick hair. My hair is also very curly. And long. 30-35 minutes of showering is dedicated to shampooing and conditioning my hair, rinsing, and not repeating.

Now I can explain. ;) I didn't have time before work to get a shower. However, I felt disgusting and was convinced you could smell me a mile away, though I was told that was not the case. "But wait!! I could wear my wig, and if I put my hair under the wig cap, I can not get my hair wet and shower!! YES." So I did this and then got my outfit and then eyed my hair warily. I decided to put on my make-up while I thought it over. What choice did I have, really? None of my hats would match, plus I didn't know if hats are even allowed at work, and I hardly wear them anymore. BUT what if the wig doesn't look good?! Well, it isn't like I could just wear the wig cap and call it good. Sure, I work with food, but that is taking the lunch-lady look to the extreme (I mean no offense there - I worked in the school cafeteria for years and have a great love and respect for the lunch ladies I worked with). But...but...*suppressed sob*...what if it doesn't match?

Yeah. I have interesting conversations with myself. Inside my head. Anyway, I put the wig literally a minute before running out the door, realizing I didn't have the luxury of time on my side to consider and change the matter. Luckily, it turned out looking pretty good. :)

Early December

Apparently Loli Inspired

I...love ribbon. LOVE IT. The pink around my waist isn't part of the dress, but is actually a long, thick ribbon that ties off in a nice, big bow in the back. :D Anyway. This is a well-beloved dress. ^_^ After getting the picture, I was looking at it and I turned to my mom and went, "I hate to admit it, but I might lean towards that 'sweet' style.." I have two white bows attached to my shirt, by the way. I don't know if you can see them. Anyway. I wasn't doing Loli Inspired with this initially, but after looking at the picture, I realized that there were some influences. I don't have anything against the Sweet Lolita style. But...some of the Sweet...just.... Really? But then I realized this probably had Sweet influence to a degree. >///> OH, oh. :D And speaking of ribbon. I had a white ribbon tied in a bow to hold back my hair~<3 I have a ribbon addiction. ;~; I've had it for years now. That was part of the appeal for Loli for me; ribbon. ;) And lace. And ruffles. AND ANJLKFJKADJ;GSJKL

Loli. <3

Anyway. This isn't Loli. Just inspired. Sort of. It wasn't initially.

But my outfits change with my mood. Or my state of mind. Or lack of clean clothes. If all of my clothes are clean at once (because, that does happen) and I am not seriously sleep deprived (because that also happens), then it is usually influenced by my mood. Sometimes that makes for...interesting...outfits. Interesting, never-repeated outfits. ;)

My favorite part of this outfit is the necklace. :) My brother sent it to me while he was on his mission, and whenever I have worn it, lucky things have happened. :D The necklace is...just...ahh. <3 The biggest examples I can recall right now:

>>I got set up on a blind date and was really nervous, so I wore my necklace because it was like my big brother was there to reassure me in a way. That was the most fun I had ever had on a date, or around people in general, in my life. I have a really hard time with people, so that is saying a lot. :) I couldn't stop smiling for days after.

>>I wore the necklace when I went with my sister-in-law to look for her wedding dress. She wasn't planning on getting it that day initially. But then the PERFECT dress came. She put it on and everyone knew that that was the one. She looked...wow. Gorgeous. Perfect. Okay, so it turned out that the dress was discontinued and that was the only one in her size. But, then she was able to get it at a discount. Her sister found her bridesmaid dress that day too, and was able to get it at a ridiculously good price (half off, or something?).

>>A customer came to my work while I was wearing the necklace and placed an order for $1000 worth of caramel corn. I calculated it out and I'm not even kidding. My mind is still a little blown from that. XD

>>The day I wore this outfit, I was feeling really nervous and confused about something and needed comfort. I turned out having a good night, and then that night/next morning we got 6 inches of snow...and snow...snow always gives me the best comfort. I...every time I need reassurance or comfort or both in the Winter, for whatever reason, it snows. On my mom's birthday, I needed comfort and it snowed that morning. It melted away by the end of the day, but even still. Anyway, so this was the first big snow fall of the year, and the biggest snowfall we've had in a few years and...I just.... <3 (I took the picture before the snow, otherwise my expression would have been  a huge grin with dream-dazed eyes. Yup. Have fun picturing how that works. ;) )

So, that is my lucky necklace. ^_^ While my brother was still on his mission, I made sure that whenever my family went to see my sister-in-law's plays (either she was in them or stage-managed), I would wear the necklace so that it was like he was there with her too, and so that it would offer extra luck. :) Good things always happen where I wear that necklace. <3

    So...that is that. Wow. I did a lot of talking. *shakes head and chuckles* Dresses...are more important to me than they probably should be. But...that is another post for another time. Anyway. So, sorry I'm not smiling in most of those. xD Anyway. Dresses are fun. Fashion is fun. :) And yeah~ I apologize if that was a terribly boring post for you, dear reader, and...if you made it this far, I am highly impressed. Here is a picture of a cookie that I would give you if I could. --> Chocolate Chip Cookie. :)

Have a delicious day (because that cookie looks...*dramatic pause*...delicious), dear reader~
Love,
Bryn

Ladies And Gentlemen.

    So, I started working (HOORAY!!) at a Hickory Farms kiosk. I LOVE it like crazy. <3 Part of my job is, of course, sampling. :) I took the opportunity one day to do some social experimenting after getting the swing of things.

    Half of the time I would say, "Would you like a sample?", "Would you guys like a sample?", and "Would any of you like a sample?" to everyone.

    The other half of the time I would instead say, "Would either of you like a sample?" to couples, "Would (any/either) of you ladies like a sample?" to women grouped 2 or more, "Would (any/either) of you gentlemen like a sample?" to men grouped 2 or more, "Would you like a sample, ma'am?" to women on their own, or "Would you and your children like a sample, ma'am?" for women with their children, and "Would you like a sample, sir?" to men on their own.

    It may not sound like anything significant, but after that day of experimenting, my dialogue sticks as close to the second grouping as possible. :) Most of the time no one takes a sample, but it doesn't change the effects. Every time someone realized I was talking to them, their postures would unconsciously straighten, they always smile, and they almost always seem to glow a little bit. Elderly individuals will also sometimes nod approvingly, as saying "sir" and "ma'am" as a sign of respect was something their generation were still taught to value. :) There have been a few times that someone will look up at me after a second, seeming to realize I was talking to them. Then they will look at me questioningly, and the moment it registers, they just smile. It makes me so happy. :D There are some times where they say "no" to the sample, but will walk a little closer without thinking about it. Young teens will brighten up immediately, and that especially makes my day. It's hard at that age, and part of that is because it feels like no one takes you seriously and no one respects you, especially adults. So I guess for an adult to address them as an equal in that way makes them happy. :) A few times, someone will see me as they walk by and then when I use "sir", "ma'am", "ladies", or "gentlemen", it doesn't register that I'm talking to them. Once or twice they have been the only person in the area, too. I've noticed that these individuals dress a little more carelessly and slump over a little more than others do. It almost seems like if they do hear me, they must think I couldn't possibly be referring to them because they probably haven't been shown a lot of respect. And...that makes me sad. People need to be uplifted, not weighed down, by others. Unfortunately, that does not always happen.

    Words have more power than we may realize. I mean, there are bound to be some of you who already knew this, but there also bound to be some of you who maybe have not given it much thought. I know I personally didn't give the power of words deep thought until recent years, and haven't taken it completely seriously until the last couple of months. :) This experiment, for me, was all of the proof I needed that words do make a difference. It got me thinking that...well, the world would be made better if we started using at least "sir" and "ma'am" in our day-to-day conversations.

    Honestly, sometimes I chase people down (...or stalk them for a few aisles...) in a store to tell them that I love their hair or their outfit or something, and I always say "ma'am" or "sir" (usually the first for who I chase down. XD ) before giving the compliment. "Excuse me. Ma'am? I just have to tell you that I love your blouse, it's beautiful!" As soon as I say, "ma'am", they already start to brighten up. It really is a beautiful thing. I can't explain it, why just saying "ma'am" or "sir" makes a difference, and a noticeable one at that, but it does.

    So, I have a challenge to issue to everyone who reads this post.

    For at least one day, dear reader, address persons you interact with as "sir" or "ma'am". Even the ones you may not think should be called that just because of what they are wearing. Everyone deserves to be respected...and, well, everyone needs it. One word of respect does make a difference. :) As you do this, observe their facial expressions, their postures, and their inner light - before and after. Also pay attention to how you feel. I promise you that you will feel a difference yourself too. :)

    If you find the results of your own day's experiment to be satisfactory...maybe you will do it again the next day. ;)

    All I know for sure is that I honestly believe the world would be a better place and people could love themselves and others a little more when shown respect or showing respect. Why? Because it feels good.

    And...if we can show respect to others, then certainly we can show respect to ourselves. Certainly others will realize they can show respect to those around them, and show respect to themselves. Honestly, we need to be able to feel respect for ourselves...and sometimes we need someone to show respect to us before we can realize that we can do that for ourselves too. We can build each other up.

    So let's you and I, dear reader, try and make the world a more positive place to live in by changing a few words in our vocabularies, one conversation at a time. :)

Happy Thanksgiving, dear reader, and have a fantastic day! Do your best to make at least one person, as well as yourself, smile today! :D

Love,
Bryn

Happy [Excessively LATE] Halloween~! (Part 1)

    Part 1...because, well, I'm too lazy to sit and think about the Halloween feast for a post right now. XD But I figured I should maybe post my Pirate costume. :) Honestly, this isn't completed yet. Jo wasn't able to complete hers (*tears*) so we decided to go as Pirates next year. XD I was looking forward to photoshooting her~ Her costumes are always incredible~! However, this gives me time to make a treasure chest for us to pose with next year. :) Anyway, I will be tweaking it. For example, I'm going to save up to get a pink underbust corset to use for the costume next year. Aaand probably for every day use. :) I'm thinking of this one, Gothic Lolita Under Bust Steel Boned Stiff Corset from Fanplusfriend Garden. Yup, I so~o just went there. x3 It is pink and has frill at the bottom, and has that criss-cross ribbon thing that I love but don't know the technical name for~<3 AHH. Really, anything Lolita is perfect. :D Anyway, I'll probably tweak some other things too. *shrug* But for putting this costume together 2 or 3 days before Halloween.. Okay. Purchasing the needed items 2 or 3 days before, and making it the night before. >///> It isn't too awful, just needs some tweaking. :)

    I will put the concept drawing first, and then the actual photo. Plus some additional ones~

As stated before, my figure doesn't actually look like that.. >///>

Ah...let it be noted that my feet are not actually that big. I found these boots at a thrift store and they were SO PERFECT for Pirate that I HAD to. Plus...they fit my calves just fine. Foot-wise, my toes barely touch the flat part. Anyway, I tried to imitate the pose of my concept art there. Mostly  got it. I will get it next year. xD By the way...I added a dagger...look to the side of my boot.... :)

Just 'cuz I thought this crop looked cool.

THAT DAGGER. It curves with my leg PERFECTLY to fit inside my boot. :D AND THE HANDLE IS SKULLS. AHHH. I kind of love my fake dagger treasure there, if you couldn't tell. ;)

    Aand that is my Pirate costume...draft. It is a draft. XD But the best part of it?

I wear this on a pretty regular basis. For lazing around the house, running to the store real quick, going to Wing Chun (until I can pay for a uniform ^^;; ), and over all just if I don't feel like dressing up or am having a day where wearing a loose shirt and tank top sounds nice and comfy. :) And the pink lace at the bottom helps me still feel feminine.

    Anyway. That is that. I'm actually going to post another post here in just a few minutes that is also fairly short. Some people observations. :) It has been a while since I've done a more serious post. I have several that have been in drafts for months, but...I just haven't found the time to finish them yet. *sigh* And I'm sorry it took so long to post about Halloween and say, "HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!" I'll post about the feast another day. :)

Have a comfy day, dear reader~<3

Love,

Bryn