(((First: I didn't look up the history like I said I would in a previous post...sorry about that. ^^;; Maybe next time?)))
Well, it was recently Valentine's Day for anyone who didn't know. :) I know growing up I kind of always hated Valentine's. I was that kid who got beat up very nearly every day of Elementary and wound up being kind of socially awkward in my Junior High and High School years as a result of that.
There were very few people I truly got along with in Elementary, and that's because I wasn't interested in playing the "back stab" games. My mom will comment sometimes on how impressed she was that a young child would be able to recognize mind games and be able to see other children who were "social climbing" in a sense and go, "No." I'd had opportunities thrown at me to ditch the only friend I had for the more popular crowd, and never took them.
Obviously, the little girls my age didn't like that and didn't like that I stuck up to them. So that proved...difficult...later. As for the boys who beat me up, well...I think that comes down to me being opinionated. Anyway, so I hated Valentine's Day in Elementary school. Why? Because it was mandatory to give everyone in the class a Valentine. :) I didn't like them and I knew they didn't like me - so why force us to give each other something?
In 4th Grade, I got transferred to another school as my mom was made aware of a particularly violent bully I'd been in the same class as for a few years. I thought it would maybe be nice to go to a new school. A new start, you know? Haha...what a cute thought. >.> They were too snobbish to beat me, mostly. It was more teasing and ganging up on me during dodge ball and...other things. In some ways it was worse, and other ways it was the same. Everyone absolutely hated me - and I could barely stand most of them. But then, there were some cases where they would pretend to have "changed" and wanted to "friends" - really, they just wanted to get me to trust them so that I'd be vulnerable to humiliation and they could have a good laugh. There was one kid who I believe legitimately wanted to be friends, but peer pressure kept getting to him.
I remember that year for Valentine's, I changed my stupid little Valentine's cards to "I hate you's". Mom had made a bunch with me the night before and on the car ride to school, I stuffed the nice ones into my backpack into the very back, and had the "I hate you's" in front. Mom had no idea. "Clever", eh? ;) That got me into trouble, naturally. I'll admit, it was a plan half-baked. The teacher was furious with me, and when I tried to explain that the whole class was bullying me and I was just getting back at them and that I honestly didn't love them and was therefore just being honest...well, that back-fired. He called my mom. Or maybe he made me call her. I don't know. All I know is, I got into trouble. And I seem to remember having to bring something the next day for everyone to make up for it.
Terrible, absolutely terrible! I hated Elementary! Then Junior High comes in. "It's gonna be different now!" :D Nope. Well, yes, but no. I'll spare the details. But needless to say, this is the age where you might start doing something for your crushes to let them know you "like-like" them, not just "like". No one ever had a crush on me...or...no one...normal.... There was one boy throughout all my Junior High years that kept running up to me and making animal noises or something weird before running off. I still don't know what that was all about.
Okay, so no one ever like-liked me, and the people I'd crush on were crushing on other people. But, now I had a large group of friends. All of us social outcasts banded together. :) So Valentine's Day in Junior High? You can write a love note to your crush in the school newspaper, send a chocolate rose to your crush, and so on and so forth. (And bring a piece of candy for each of your friends.) I always hated Valentine's Day. Because you'd get these girls who would get a million chocolate roses and notes and balloons and all sorts of things. You'd be like, "Okay, she's loved. Cool." Then you'd look around and realize that everyone in the class except for you had gotten something from someone.
Cue: Sliding down in your chair, pulling your hoodie over your head and looking down so no one looks at you goes, "LOSER!!!!" Oh! *laugh* I hated it!! I hated being that loser kid. :)
Then for High School! It just got worse. Not only do you have the chocolate roses, the love notes in the school newspaper, people getting called down to the front office to pick up something that a special someone or secret admirer dropped off for them - but now you can ask the choir to go sing a love song in the middle of class to someone! And...and. Now you've got mushy couples everywhere. And the school dance; Sweethearts. Lovely~! Oy. -///- Yeah.
Okay, I will be the first to admit: I had a boyfriend my Sophomore year. We broke up a month or two before Valentine's Day. My Junior year, it was the same story.
I always helped decorate for the dance because I was part of the club that was in charge of it; FCCLA. (Which, coincidentally, meant that I had free admission to the dance as part of the decorating committee.) I didn't go the first year, but I heard from some friends how wonderful it had been. My second year, the decorations were particularly amazing (and I also had a bouquet of fake roses I needed to retrieve before people raided the decorations at the end of the dance)...so me and a friend set each other up with some other friends. Mine took me as a pity date, but he was fantastic. My friend's...we had to bribe him...and he didn't even stay for very long. So my date wound up on a date with both of us - and then wound up on a date with us and another of our friends who had been forced to show up since she'd been elected for Sweethearts Sophomore Princess or something to the effect. That guy was so awesome. He made sure to dance with all three of us, and he'd sit and talk with us when we didn't want to, he got us drinks afterwards, he opened the doors for all three of us...he was just a good guy.
My Senior year, I didn't go. I helped decorate, I photographed everything...but I didn't go. I wanted to really bad, but I swore I wouldn't go unless I was legitimately asked. I wouldn't pine for anything.
And all the while, I never once in those 6 years got anything remotely romantic. Every year I'd hope that maybe I had a secret admirer or something cheesy because, well, that would be fun and exciting. I had friends who got that, but never me. It was kinda lonely in a sense. But my friends and I would always exchange treats at the start of the day, or at lunch, if anything. :)
But! Valentine's Day is my favorite holiday. :) Here is why: Every year in those 6 years of schooling, I would make sure to get a chocolate rose for each of my friends. I would throw a little party for me and my gal friends who were single so that we were never alone on Valentine's Day. We could make fun of mushy couples and be bitter about being single and watch violent movies. It was awesome.
My number of friends - close or not - has decreased significantly. I more-or-less went from 20 friends to a small handful. :) But as I've been out of High School, I've continued to have my friends over on Valentine's Day because we're all still single. :) I make dinner for them every year, and I make sure to get the a small box of chocolates and a single rose. It took me up until this past year to figure out what Valentine's Day is to me.
No, I never had anything romantic happen to me on Valentine's Day in my life. Well...no...that isn't true.... Last year...last year I got a very sweet text from a very, very dear and sweet friend.... <3
Outside of that, there hasn't been anything. :) I've never been in a relationship long enough to be with someone on Valentine's. I've never gotten asked out on a date for it. But...what it took me so long to figure out is...it isn't about romance and being in love with your significant other. It isn't about couples and kissing and dates and romantic surprises.
It isn't about having your significant other there at your side, and laying under the stars in the backyard on a blanket, staying close to one another to be warm - talking and dreaming about the future. It's a lovely thought, but it isn't what it's about. :)
Valentine's Day is about love. "Who do I love in my life?" Well, I love my mother and my father, my brother and his wife, I love my friends, I love my extended family, I love my elderly next door neighbor, I love people in my neighborhood that I know from church, I love my Heavenly Father...I love a lot of people. :) And Valentine's Day is the perfect time for me to do something nice for some of those people.
It didn't have to be anything elaborate either. For my immediate family, I made them dinner, and a small two-layer cake. For my best friends, I made them dinner and a heart-shaped cake. For my elderly neighbor, I went with my mom to visit her and gave her chocolates and a rose. Little things, really, but hopefully enough to remind them that I love them. :) I love to decorate and I love to cook for people...so I did something for myself, too. I did things that I love to do for the people I love and I love seeing them smile. :)
And...aren't the majority of people single on Valentine's Day? So why make it a holiday about couples, and especially if you happen to be part of that single crowd? I think, just try to do something fun with your friends on Valentine's Day. You don't have to make or get them anything. Just hang out and watch a movie. As long as you're having fun with people you love, you're celebrating a beautiful holiday. :)
It took me a very long time to figure that out. Or, to figure it out on a conscious level. So I wanted to share about my Valentine's Day life experience and hopefully make the holiday a little less bitter for someone next year. ;)
As long as you have someone you care about, you have someone you love. And as long as you have someone you love, you have cause to celebrate.
If you happen to find yourself alone; you don't have friends and you either never knew your family or your family is dead...then do something nice for yourself. Even if you aren't at a point in your life where you can say you love yourself, still do something nice for yourself. :) What better day than Valentine's Day? And if it's the "your family is dead" part...take a moment that day to remember your family. You hold them in your heart, and so you still love them - and they still love you. So, you aren't truly alone. :)
I wish you much happiness, dear reader. :)
Take care!
-Bryn
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